A man I knew ???
That mob did shout its vulgar claims
But the words to me
were a word of praise
And among those faces ,I saw his too
a piece of my soul..a man I
knew…..
my greys were obvious, my
skin too pale
those vicious men still vile to pay
for a bed that still did
stink of sweat
and a working muse ;too
fragile to fret
we succumb to hands and minds too
strong
with desires strong and
lusting thoughts
for a paper piece to feed our sons;
a gift from some old acquaintance..
we fail to clothes and perfumes too
and in an endless chatter
line in queues
to get caught by beasts
with heavy eyes
and earn a living..cheap
and vile
a journey with a man I loved
at fifteen,when Id been
just a child
,in love with trust I had
fled with pride
To a destination that would forever
be mine
My place to learn my stride and life
And my lover to be my first client
A dungeon now where still men fight
And I spot now a piece of my soul
A man I once so well knew……
I
Fall For The Endless
My mirth mirthfully
fled to its highest height
It Pursued the wind
saline; the true guide in flight.
But my black friends
wait daunting their jaunt and play
For their hopes for
gifts from the endless; endlessly lay
The sand looked
pricey in its precious shades
But I strode the
coast, and left foot prints that’d fade
The land shimmered
well, but that’s just the suns play
I don’t t sway like
the sand for that sun far away
the bright ball
now was waging war with the world,
it showed off its
hold of the ultimate power.
my eyes get salted at
a glimpse of that shine
but I can t even in
dreams make that sea saline
like a woman’s core,
the sea but stood strong,
it proved the coast
weak and the raging sun wrong,
it grasped the shore
and gobbled the big ball,
my heart fell
for its love and endurance,
and filled
with eternal radiance
I give birth to death
in dungeons…..
A thousand Flowers my tomb might
wear..
My kin would weep and pray…
But Where I’d lay, the land
might tear..
of the curse I’ve earned for
fare..
Vengeance and spite burnt the hearts
of men who hid in hides..
they slid their heads into those
loops..
that would plunge them to
blood pools
Ive slain them all who were called
felons
And who had kept blasphemous
thoughts..
But abhorrence for that stinking
blood
Dint burn me anymore…
No dirge the skies will sing for
me..
This earth may shy to shield,
The corpse of this old man who
lived..
By killing convicts with a heart
unhealed…
I complied the orders of justice..
And slayed those
convicts cold
But They were too just lads of
lord..
Of whose death but no one
mourned..
I stole their lives and made my life
One filled with curse in rife…
Will a man of duty bid to lie
In death with peace for long????....
Riding On Hope
The shameless glass
reflected me
But not my young
soul, just the wrinkled skin
My neck showed bare
pale and plain
No string of love
binding me..oh! I’m in vain
I wind back the wind
which had let me down
When he told
me, wearing my favorite frown
Expressions on his
face I remember and love’
But then, they were
too bold to let my love drown
He had things
to do..Important and signed ,
It was my passion and
love he had left behind
I had longed for his
little sign on me,
His string of
matrimony binding me
He held my hands safe
in the warmth of his
Little did I know,
that warmth I would never feel
Helpless am I but to
curse this mirror,
Which reflects me old
and insane in love
It has been riding me
the hope I have
He will return, my
dreams I carve……
Regret
beneath sepulchers
The debt of heavy
love I bore
To each tear on my corpse;
I reckon so well the
salinity
Apart from these deep
raindrops
Oh mom!..thou took me
here to live
But that bit of love
I failed to give
Beneath this grave, I
beg in vain and pain…
Oh…Forgive me! Yes!
Yet again
Thy heart is strong;
why? My dad, it’s you!
Thy piece of salt
stains my tomb…
Forever by boundless
love thou give
I would return it in
doubles if I could live
I can’t count how
much I’ve counted on you
You’ve given me thy
life, thy love, thy care
Oh…my mate thy tears;
I can’t bear,
‘Cause thee
shed it for me...who forever acted vain
The world now seems a
wonderful place
Where every trouble
solves in its own grace
Love I did give thee,
but you gave back more
Oh! How I wish I
could live once more?.
right from the heart!
A Note To My Mom...:)
If I actually write a note to you mom, I
would probably fill it up with apologies..And more apologies..Its not that I am
guilty I did something wrong...Its just because I have had this feeling that I
am not good enough a daughter for a wonderful person like you...I don’t know
much about what you have gone through in life..But I know life has been a bit
hard on you...I know It because you know so much...So much about handling
life...You have always been an expert in playing it cool…and I’m sure it came
to you through experience. I have gone through plenty of self help books and
inspirational ones too…you say you have never read stuff like it..But you don’t
really have to nor will it interest you because you know all of it, and with
mere modesty you say you don’t…you know it all mom..Because whenever I come to
you with a problem..You have always had a solution for it...Including the ones
in math…of course it would be very stupid if I portray you as a perfect
person…maybe not..But you are a perfect mother .at least according to me, you
are. Most of the time you are absolutely comfortable to let me have my
way...You have had great trust in me and have let me take my decisions with a
trust that I will take it right..And if at all it went wrong it was just a
lesson your daughter had to learn in life...That is one thing I admire about
you and always will. I know you have never intentionally done anyone any
wrong..And this trust you have in me keeps me on the same track too. And the
interesting thing about it is you have never asked me to do it...You have never
asked me to do anything mom. You have scolded me a hundred times and you have
said a thousand no’s to me..But somehow I have always been able to accept it.
maybe for then I did feel sad..But u were right …somehow you are always right.
I admit I have been rude and angry to you at times and I have hurt you…but one
thing I have never had to ask you was to forgive me...You would do it
anyways.... One main thing I have always wanted…I wanted you to be happy and so
I wanted you to have the best daughter...And now if I am guilty at all ,its
because I know I am not…and I am sorry. However I’m fighting mom..One day..I
hope you will be happy mom...You will not regret having me…I love you
Hell or heaven?
God offered me a visit to heaven for a period
of 960 months and a choice between wings and horns. I promptly accepted this
offer to find myself in the colorful, beautiful paradise. But it was right
then, slipping through the entrance that I realized that god had just one
passport which had gone for me. It was maybe because I was alone, but anyhow,
the place looked lost...Or maybe, it was my mind which was lost…in thoughts, which
I must confess, were indecipherable; even for its very owner! I had but with me
the hope, the strong belief that god must have left me a guide, at least for my
first few months here. Yes...God after all had been fair, validating my faith
in him...a kind ‘miss I know everything ‘guide who knew well that I was ‘Mr.
know nothing’! Completely exploiting the seniority she had over me, I just
doubted whether she was talking a bit more now...In that ridiculous language
which again…I dint know!
Getting that blanket off me
any time near was out of question, well, but it sure is an inconvenient
necessity. My punctual alarm woke up again from its snooze, and let me know
that it had had enough of the sleeping with its screeching loud noise. I forced
the warmth, off my body to shut the damn loud noise! And there! Ta da! Another
9 am set on its face. My mind was so reluctant to do just anything now, but the
routine must be kept...the same workplace, the same work load and the never
ending competition would be waiting for my contribution of complaints and
anger… rushing through the door of my workplace, settling in my place, taking a
look at the people around me, I made a fool of myself because then, I was
feeling assured ;‘cause every face around me lacked inspiration...wrinkles of
reluctance on each forehead…everyone looked as miserable as I did... lost in a
war where the aim is not victory, but to fail others and save oneself…….but
Wait...What’s that on my head?
Of course I see no god now, but that once
ridiculous appearing language is heavenly now, that once proud looking(but
always right) guide, my angel, my mom…my thoughts clear in my heart, like
messages from god…I guess when he sent me here, he had found a place in my
heart to hide in to reach here safe (without a passport) .the voice in my heart
speaks loud and clear…what if I don’t heed it?, I’d probably carry a regret all
my life and an ugly horn..Chosen instead for pretty wings
a letter to benzene...
12:30 pm
study
room
study table
opp. the comp.
home
Dear resonating
benzene,
I reckon that
you are very similar to me ; we are not at all useful…you create trouble
everywhere . you confuse students just like I confuse teachers.do you realize
that both of us go round and round and appear pretty weird to the world? you
alone know your structure and god alone knows why and how your electrons go round and round your
body. Its just like how my brain tries to concentrate in all directions but only I know what
I’m trying to achieve. My chemistry teachers will be able to draw resonating
structures for my thoughts that go round and round and round and
round.
Neucleophilic substitution
reactions are bad because I can understand it but hate writing it down. If my
chem teacher asks me, I’m most likely to forget..and then what?? Ramitha will
start staring at me,and I’ll get scared.nucleophilic substitutin
reactions are like studies….haloalkanes like ramitha and darshana are reactive
towards it..And psychopaths like you and me, dear benzene are unreactive
towards it..You contain halogen atoms that have electron pairs that are in
conjugation with pi –electrons..and me..i have thoughts that are in conjugation
with plenty of worries L !! sigh!!.anyhow ,,I have to study..
take care…bye
With
quantum love
An organic
organism
Ashwathy
Nothing lasts
forever..(series)
Iwonder
why...but nothing lasts forever
-->
That unscrupulous wet guest was
back and I complained to my mother. . . I thought she was practical in a very
childish way … but she reacted in a very unexpected manner..she started
laughing!.I couldn’t see what was so funny about my revulsion for the rain..the
unwelcome visitor who had been knocking wildly at my windows
until it had taken my helplessness for granted and had made its way into my
room by breaking my window pane! I might be wrong but its difficult to imagine
that that was not revenge for my loathing for it!but then again one has to bare
with it… even worse,One has to bare with the people around who like it!
My desire to sew the rain for invasion of privacy was eluding my senses ,but
also the dirty muck had me soaked from head to toe on my way to the bus stop..and
god knows umbrellas don’t help..nor do rain coats completely…the same god I
thank for giving me a mind; something very restless and distracted..it had
taken to observing things that filled me with absolute redicule.I
could have closed my eyes at the little toddlers bathing in the dirty puddles
with their shower ; the sky ..but I couldn’t help a frown at their mothers who
would be upset with disease; yet now they were trying to hide a
smile...after all , Their innocent ones were laaaughing!!!..a teenage
couple chatted end on at the coffee corner near to the stop.They
appeared to like the weather soo much, I hoped they would jump into the
rain and start dancing…I was bored anyway..some entertainment would have helped
..but I thought the world too practical for that..I was considering the
thought meticulously when I saw an old lady with an umbrella probably as old as
her, make her way through the wet crowd..she reminded me of the
grandmother in the Tiny Toons show…that may be the reason ,but I liked her just
the same. She came to stand by me and asked me how I liked the weather ..I said
it was just fine..but she laughed at that as if she sensed my hatred for it..
.my cell started ringing just then and my mothers voice shouted at me through
the loudness of the rain.I had to start my expedition through the rain
..again..and there I went after I excused myself and walked
through the rain like a camel in the beach with my umbrella folded in ma hands…
the solitude of the streets carried ma mind to the past..when my mother was running
to reach home with me small and young sitting on her shoulder and enjoying the
rain… …I couldn’t help a tear in my eye when I realized I had grown up…….those
were great times and I developed immense longing for it..I wondered then…why
nothing lasted forever….
I then did something I couldn’t believe I actually
did…I was jumping into the puddles up and down with all the heart I
had..I let my heart flying and soaring with the thunders and the
rain….it was strange..to act like a five year old…reflections of the past ;the
thoughts of a 5 year old that I had been secretly treasuring….for the first
time in many years ..with all my heart …well…I laughed!.........
I wonder
why...but nothing lasts forever………
I had taken my first few steps after I had walked in through the gates,..the
bell tolled 12.30 and a huge throng of blue surrounded me in haste…my heart
instantly succeeded in accentuating both; my attachment to this ambiance…. I
reckoned the paints and shades had changed…but the aura of this heaven
was akin
my closest pal had accompanied
me at my request but she had been a little tentative to concede
.and as I had dragged her here, I had to make sure the visit wouldn’t end as
matter of faux pas for her .I held myself back from giving in completely to my
long forgotten old acquaintances here: the brick walls which were lately
repainted or not even to those mighty winds here..which had had the same
distracting dexterity few yrs back …I enthusiastically pointed at every
new thing that had come up and proudly smiled at the old buildings..to all my
proud ostentations..she was yawning weakly..I wanted to stop …but I
realized…neither my heart nor mouth would stop ranting …
That room there ,always used to be a matter of mystery to me…it
used to be like the magic shop in fairy tales…it had an old uncle who
could craft all the shades of the rainbow with transparent water in
different bottles..he used to entertain the big kids inside and let them do
magic too…but the room gave notorious smells frequently and my friends would
cover their noses …but I would flare my nostrils to take in the
odor….”wow!!!” used to be my reaction towards the whole affair
until realization cameto me as to what the room actually was…my theories
of the magic room and the wizard uncle..all seemed to be flawed ….the
room was The chemistry lab ,the old wizard :the lab
assistant .hence
..as I grew up here,the introduction of salts and h2s in my
life had put a full stop to my fairy tale..and a gate to reality
had opened for me..i had thought that those last years here were hectic ..
standing out of the class more than inside…doing home works I did not
know how to do…..i had then realized many important things in life too.like
.the fact that falling asleep while writing an exam, and answering
the answers which you never knew ,you knew (until you say it i.e)are
absolutely possible experience one can get... my longing for that time
to end had seemed endless….i felt like a victim of real life irony now
when I just caught myself remarking it as the best years of my
life..
A sudden shock grasped me when
an old lady had shook me from the back and as I looked at her I reckoned her to
be my teacher..her face had changed sadly with time ..her strict spectacles
were still on her nose as I remembered it ..in her shaky voice she enquired and
I complied to all queries.(finally !!! I realized was giving her right
answers)..a smile had lit up her face and and a tint of pride had entered
her eyes..water was what came to mine when I saw the same in every one of
them who had sprouted in me the seeds of strength ,hard work and morals…I
slipped out of the room with an emotional enthusiasm ..
The bell tolled for the third
time now since my entry …and a huge throng of blue surrounds me in
haste…i walked with my friend (who had become ruthlessly
restless)and when I was slowly conceiving the fact that once,I too was
part of this throng…I wondered why… nothing lasted forever .. I
walked with the frenzied crowd and again perceived that the paints
and shades had changed….+
